I love you, but……
I love you.
But..
I can’t love you.
Because,
If loving you means-
I need to compromise on being who I am..
In this blossoming relationship-
Where I am being judged..
For being-
100% authentic..
In communicating..
Honestly about-
How I feel..
Or if..
It limits me..
To speak my truths.
Because you get triggered-
By past judgements that..
Others have done to you.
That you become ridiculously moody-
And acted unreasonably
Irrationally to-
Blow things out of proportion.
From a simple discussion.
If you are under the influence of an anti-depressant medication..
That you abruptly-
Throw mood swings..
And I become aware..
That-
You are easing off of it..
It seems like-
I am taking the consequences..
Of you-
experiencing the symptoms.
I wonder-
If you have truly healed from your past toxic relationship.
If you have been relying on medications to boost your moods.
For years-
To pretend-
As if you’ve healed from your past wounds..
Until the truth came out-
That your “happiness” was just an illusion shown on dates.
A facade-
That..
You were wearing.
It was very confusing-
As you blew things way out of proportion.
And threw me “ultimatums.”
And “dealbreakers.”
I was puzzled-
If..
I should forgive you as you were under the “influence” of your withdrawal symptoms.
Or if I should even point the obvious to you..
That-
Please don’t overlook or mistaken my sweet exterior and underestimate my inner strength..
In utilizing the power of walking away..
Listen up..
I don’t respond to “bullying” in any relationship..
And..
I don’t respond to “ultimatums.”
Should I even tell you-
What..
The real dealbreaker is-
Your inauthenticity.
Of not being honest with yourself..
Of not healing your past wounds..
But to sweep it under the rug..
Good luck to you.
Before I get destroyed in your inauthenticity..
Or the threats of your ultimatums..
Or the potentials of your withdrawal symptoms.
It’s just too unhealthy..
It’s just too confusing..
I love you, but..
I choose me.
Agree?
～ Love you more ❤️
Kolline